more about expectations
I was thinking again about the expectations we put on people. This is a rather serious post and a longer than usual one, so if you are looking for something light and fun, this isn't the one to read right now :) though it may enlighten or at the very least encourage you.
There is a quote that fortunately or unfortunately was made famous by Drew Barrymore in "Ever After" that says:
"If you suffer your people to be ill-educated, and their manners corrupted from infancy, and then punish them for those crimes to which their first education disposed them, what else is to be concluded, sire, but that you first make thieves and then punish them?
I read the concept years ago in Thomas Moore's "Utopia" and went "hmmm, good point" and kept reading. Well, I was confronted with some of that logic today. Many of you know that I have been working in the inner city most of my adult life. From the time I was in college to my present job now, I have in some way wanted to impact the poor and less fortunate in our cities.
I met someone today who had a lot to say about that. He spoke about how the native community in our country is in the condition it is in because so much has been taken from them:
Treaties that have never been renogatiated as time passed, eventhough the needs and understandings of the communities had changed.
Residential schools that tore apart families, if not by force, then by introducing new language and new culture into the children only to return to their families and not "fit in" anymore, or not wanting to.
Land deals that took men who lived off the land and in the bush, and were prosperous and industrious and made them dependant on other institutions to take care of them.
And ultimately many of them leave their homes to come to the city to learn a new skill, or work in the industries, or simply because there is even less for them in their home towns.
So many of them end up in the poor areas of the city. Some of them end up on the street. Many of them are dependant on alcohol and drugs to just feel better, even if it's just for a little while.
I took in all that my new friend was sharing and it made me rethink how I look at the alcoholics and drug addicts that I know. Sometimes, even though I know this isn't the case, I expect that they should just be able to stop drinking. They should know how to "pull up their boot straps" and do what they need to do, and I get frustrated when they don't or chose not to.
But here is the problem. The list that my new friend gave me as to reasons why they don't "get better" makes sense. They are good reasons (not excuses). I myself have trouble just "doing what I need to do" for my own lists of reasons. But somehow, they are and I am expected to.
I'm not trying to say that people aren't responsible for their own actions, I am fully aware of the devestation that happens when people blame everyone else for their problems, but I think that there has to be a place for grace.
Expectation is the mother of disappointment. (I didn't come up with that)
What is the opposite of expectation? I've come to realize that for me, it's grace and acceptance. Grace takes into account the situation and accepts the person anyway. YES I want to challenge the status quo in the lives of my friends AND in my own life, but I need to remember the factors that got them there. Expectations, no unfair expectations without grace cause all of us to misunderstand.
Now, what does ANY of this have to Advent?
Everything. God has a level of expectation of His creation as well. It's called the law. Obviously none of us will live up to that law at least according to Romans 3:23. It's ONLY through God's grace and acceptance of us that salvation was even possible. So once again, as always it comes down to love. (John 3:16). God loves me, I love God, myself and my neighbour. Give without expecting anything in return.
So as Sunday and the first official day of Advent approaches, my prayer is that rather than unfair expectations of others, myself and even of God... I pray for grace and acceptance for myself and others, and trust in the God who loves me.
There is a quote that fortunately or unfortunately was made famous by Drew Barrymore in "Ever After" that says:
"If you suffer your people to be ill-educated, and their manners corrupted from infancy, and then punish them for those crimes to which their first education disposed them, what else is to be concluded, sire, but that you first make thieves and then punish them?
I read the concept years ago in Thomas Moore's "Utopia" and went "hmmm, good point" and kept reading. Well, I was confronted with some of that logic today. Many of you know that I have been working in the inner city most of my adult life. From the time I was in college to my present job now, I have in some way wanted to impact the poor and less fortunate in our cities.
I met someone today who had a lot to say about that. He spoke about how the native community in our country is in the condition it is in because so much has been taken from them:
Treaties that have never been renogatiated as time passed, eventhough the needs and understandings of the communities had changed.
Residential schools that tore apart families, if not by force, then by introducing new language and new culture into the children only to return to their families and not "fit in" anymore, or not wanting to.
Land deals that took men who lived off the land and in the bush, and were prosperous and industrious and made them dependant on other institutions to take care of them.
And ultimately many of them leave their homes to come to the city to learn a new skill, or work in the industries, or simply because there is even less for them in their home towns.
So many of them end up in the poor areas of the city. Some of them end up on the street. Many of them are dependant on alcohol and drugs to just feel better, even if it's just for a little while.
I took in all that my new friend was sharing and it made me rethink how I look at the alcoholics and drug addicts that I know. Sometimes, even though I know this isn't the case, I expect that they should just be able to stop drinking. They should know how to "pull up their boot straps" and do what they need to do, and I get frustrated when they don't or chose not to.
But here is the problem. The list that my new friend gave me as to reasons why they don't "get better" makes sense. They are good reasons (not excuses). I myself have trouble just "doing what I need to do" for my own lists of reasons. But somehow, they are and I am expected to.
I'm not trying to say that people aren't responsible for their own actions, I am fully aware of the devestation that happens when people blame everyone else for their problems, but I think that there has to be a place for grace.
Expectation is the mother of disappointment. (I didn't come up with that)
What is the opposite of expectation? I've come to realize that for me, it's grace and acceptance. Grace takes into account the situation and accepts the person anyway. YES I want to challenge the status quo in the lives of my friends AND in my own life, but I need to remember the factors that got them there. Expectations, no unfair expectations without grace cause all of us to misunderstand.
Now, what does ANY of this have to Advent?
Everything. God has a level of expectation of His creation as well. It's called the law. Obviously none of us will live up to that law at least according to Romans 3:23. It's ONLY through God's grace and acceptance of us that salvation was even possible. So once again, as always it comes down to love. (John 3:16). God loves me, I love God, myself and my neighbour. Give without expecting anything in return.
So as Sunday and the first official day of Advent approaches, my prayer is that rather than unfair expectations of others, myself and even of God... I pray for grace and acceptance for myself and others, and trust in the God who loves me.
1 Comments:
I'm glad your blogging again!
I've always enjoyed reading your posts...you have such a gift for writing, and so much wisdom to share. =)
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