90 days
Today is my three month review. I have been at Soloam for 3 months already. As I have said many times, I love this job. I am blessed to be doing something I love and working with the people God has given me such a heart for. They are amazing people who fight everyday just to survive, especially in minus 40 or colder conditions.
And yet, I'm nervous. I'm sure it will go fine, but there are always those questions, "Am I doing enough? Have I done it right? AM I GOOD ENOUGH?" You know, questions that show the extent, or lack there of, of confidence in myself and the nature of the job.
This job has certainly taken a toll on my physically. I seem to have caught almost every cold or flu bug that has come through, as even now I am coughing and cannot find my voice anywhere! My feet haven't improved either, which is always a concern, and yet when I look at the overall, I know that I have done my best, and that is all I can ask of myself. And still the question... is it enough?
It's silly really. It's the idea of being "evaluated" I think that stresses me. Evaluations somehow in my head equate worth. It's that thing of feeling like you are being judged when really it's the end of a probation period... for both sides. Essentially, I could walk in and tell them this isn't the place for me... which of course I won't because I think it IS the place for me, but I could if I felt that way... it's been a probation for both sides.
My greatest desire, today, and everyday is to be able to say that my confidence and worth comes from the Lord. That He is the one who's evaluation should matter and count to me. I want to walk in the confidence of His love for me and my love for Him. Mike Bickle always says that once we get a hold of that understanding everything changes. I'm working on it!
The other thing that struck me is that I left Kansas City 6 months ago. Where does the time go?
And yet, I'm nervous. I'm sure it will go fine, but there are always those questions, "Am I doing enough? Have I done it right? AM I GOOD ENOUGH?" You know, questions that show the extent, or lack there of, of confidence in myself and the nature of the job.
This job has certainly taken a toll on my physically. I seem to have caught almost every cold or flu bug that has come through, as even now I am coughing and cannot find my voice anywhere! My feet haven't improved either, which is always a concern, and yet when I look at the overall, I know that I have done my best, and that is all I can ask of myself. And still the question... is it enough?
It's silly really. It's the idea of being "evaluated" I think that stresses me. Evaluations somehow in my head equate worth. It's that thing of feeling like you are being judged when really it's the end of a probation period... for both sides. Essentially, I could walk in and tell them this isn't the place for me... which of course I won't because I think it IS the place for me, but I could if I felt that way... it's been a probation for both sides.
My greatest desire, today, and everyday is to be able to say that my confidence and worth comes from the Lord. That He is the one who's evaluation should matter and count to me. I want to walk in the confidence of His love for me and my love for Him. Mike Bickle always says that once we get a hold of that understanding everything changes. I'm working on it!
The other thing that struck me is that I left Kansas City 6 months ago. Where does the time go?
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Michael Neil arrived Friday. Check out pics on my blog.
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