Joyska's Journal: January 2008

Thursday, January 31, 2008

90 days

Today is my three month review. I have been at Soloam for 3 months already. As I have said many times, I love this job. I am blessed to be doing something I love and working with the people God has given me such a heart for. They are amazing people who fight everyday just to survive, especially in minus 40 or colder conditions.

And yet, I'm nervous. I'm sure it will go fine, but there are always those questions, "Am I doing enough? Have I done it right? AM I GOOD ENOUGH?" You know, questions that show the extent, or lack there of, of confidence in myself and the nature of the job.

This job has certainly taken a toll on my physically. I seem to have caught almost every cold or flu bug that has come through, as even now I am coughing and cannot find my voice anywhere! My feet haven't improved either, which is always a concern, and yet when I look at the overall, I know that I have done my best, and that is all I can ask of myself. And still the question... is it enough?

It's silly really. It's the idea of being "evaluated" I think that stresses me. Evaluations somehow in my head equate worth. It's that thing of feeling like you are being judged when really it's the end of a probation period... for both sides. Essentially, I could walk in and tell them this isn't the place for me... which of course I won't because I think it IS the place for me, but I could if I felt that way... it's been a probation for both sides.

My greatest desire, today, and everyday is to be able to say that my confidence and worth comes from the Lord. That He is the one who's evaluation should matter and count to me. I want to walk in the confidence of His love for me and my love for Him. Mike Bickle always says that once we get a hold of that understanding everything changes. I'm working on it!

The other thing that struck me is that I left Kansas City 6 months ago. Where does the time go?
Joyska at 4:22 AM

Wednesday, January 23, 2008

cold... how cold??

you know it is cold when the snow crunching under your feet sounds like styrofoam, when your glasses freeze... not fog... freeze, when even the patrons are running into the building after having their smoke break.

The last two days have been between minus 29 and minus 47 with the windchill. It's also been my joy and privilege to be outside the last two days. The wind is definitely the hardest part! But tomorrow I am back indoors and others on staff get the privilege of the warmer (minus 15 to minus 20) weather. Ahh the joys of Winnipeg winters!
Joyska at 7:34 PM


It's been a long slightly stressful week since I last blogged. The "falsely accused" situation continues, and I am waiting for a call to take a poligraph test that hopefully will clear me. So that is the deal. Waiting. It's either a further intimidation tactic... make me nervous waiting for the call, or they really DON'T have enough to charge me. That of course is the hope.

Most days I don't even think about it. Other days, when people ask I realize it's right under the surface and it's scary. But I do trust God, and I do know the truth... I didn't do it, and I believe I need to just keep living life.

Thank you for praying. Please continue, and I will keep posting as I know more.
Joyska at 4:48 AM

Wednesday, January 16, 2008

Falsely accused

I've been thinking a lot in the last 24 hours about Joseph. He was given such great dreams about what his life was going to be. He had dreams that told him that even though he was the youngest (before Benjamin) that all his brothers would bow before him. I wonder what he was thinking when he found himself at the bottom of a dungeon locked up for something he didn't do.

Why am I thinking about this? Well, I can't give details, but I have been falsely accused in the last 24 hours. A pretty serious accusation, and one that has some ramifications for me if "proven".
I know I am innocent, I know I did NOT do what I am being accused of, but here I am... fingers pointing at me. What is my response? So far it's shock and outright denial, but it's hard not to turn and look at God and say... "WHAT IS GOING ON???" I don't think that is a wrong question. I don't think it's a wrong attitude, but it needs to be followed with, "I TRUST YOU".

SOO that is MY struggle today. Jesus, I trust you, regardless of how any of this turns out. AND, in the meantime... please pray.

And yes, mom and dad, I will call and explain :)
Joyska at 10:26 PM

Tuesday, January 15, 2008

Long time no blog

Sorry, it's been awhile since I've blogged. I haven't known exactly what to write as it's been a crazy month or more. I am loving being in my new house (though as of late I have discovered a few furry nasty creatures running amuck... for those of you who don't know me too well... I HATE mice and have a bit of a phobia of them... yah... it's been fun)

Work at SIloam has been wonderful. It has many ups and downs in a day, and it is difficult sometimes to hear the stories and see the struggles, but it's also a great place to see people beginning to make changes. Transitions are relative when it comes to homelessness. A day without alcohol is a major step. A person who didn't talk to anyone months ago, who now talks to all of us is a major transition. It's a cool thing to watch and be a part of.

My health is still a frustrating thing. I get to work, get home and then don't want to do or go anywhere. I'm exhausted... all the time. It is most likely I'm picking up some germs from work, but I think it must be that AND my immunity is low. My feet are still numb in places and painful in others. Still no real difinitive answer, but all seems to point to the Diabities. I'm hoping to get some orthotics in the next few weeks, see how that works.

I've also gotten some news from some friends that are having major health issues in their pregnancies. I am praying for life for both of them, and healing ... complete healing. This is hard for everyone involved, and I just want to see God break in. So I am praying hard and waiting in expectation for healing to come.

Well... I guess that is the update. :)
Joyska at 8:12 PM