He's always on my mind

Lord I will seek you, on my bed think upon you
In the day I'll dream of you
You are always on my mind
with my whole heart I love you, with my mind and my strength too
Waste my life searching for you
You are always on my mind.

Though I'm poor and needy, the Lord thinks upon me,
Though His name is HOLY
I am always on His mind
Though I'm weak and lowly, the Lord dreams about me
Though he is high and lofty,
I'm always on His mind

For I am in love with God
And He is in love with me.

How far will you let me go
How abandoned will you let me be?

He is farther than the farthest galaxy
He is closer than the air I breathe

His thoughts towards toward me are more than the sounds of the sea...

I've been in the prayer room for awhile today and was stirred by the set that Misty Edwards is leading this afternoon. She just finished the above song that she has written... and has changed every time she sings it... but this time, it hit a groove and a nerve here in the room.

I love it when the air literally gets think in here. There is so much that goes on in this room, from someone who is typing on their computer (that would be me) to the one laying on the floor crying out before the Lord (that would not be me at the moment)yet you can feel the presence of the Lord in this place. So why am I typing? Because this song strikes a chord in me too. It again is the wooing of God... he loved me first, so i in turn love him... I think about him all the time... but he thought of me first. (He is a lover, looking for a lover so he formed my heart...God is a lover looking for a lover so he fashioned me... what a great line!) See the way he holds the stars in His hands... see the way he holds my heart...

I'm struck by this song, because it is showing my longing for Him is preceeded by his longing for me. No emotion or longing or desire I have can be my initiative... it all is in response to his love for me! And there is great rest, joy, and fulfillment in that.

Proverbs 15:16 "Better is a little while with the fear of the LORD, than great treasure with trouble. Better is a dinner of hebs where love is, than a fatted calf with hatred."

I'm clinging to your mercy. I'm hoping in your love for me! (again... Misty)

They kept the charge

Today I spent 7 hours in the prayer room. YEAH!!! This morning I was in there because my office is being renovated... and we weren't allowed in there!
SO I worked in the prayer room.

but this afternoon was what I wanted to tell you about. I went in at 1:30 and together with my team, we decided to study Ezekial 44:15 "But the priests the Levites, the sons of Zadok, that kept the charge of my sanctuary when the children of Israel went astray from me, they shall come near to me to minister to me; and they shall stand before me to offer unto me the fat and the blood, says the Lord Jehovah"

The sons of Zadok were faithful ministers of the word -- direct descendants of Aaron, to whom the Lord promised an everlasting priesthood. Zadok actually means "righteous" and is considered a "type" of Christ - through whom WE become priests and righteous.

The sons of Zadok, stood when Israel fell. They kept charge, kept the pure doctrines, with no compromise, they stood in a time when there was great compromise , with courage and valour, they did not back away.. even when persecuted, they were determined to keep the sanctuary pure, and taught the people to do the same... to follow the ordinance as first given.

The commentary I was reading along with this said this:
God takes notice of this, and promises them great things (revelation 2:7 he who has an ear let him hear what the Spirit says to the churches. To him that overcomes, to him will I give to eat of the tree of life, which is in the Paradise of God (ASV).

I was struck by the need for the priest to keep charge of the sanctuary. And I was even more struck by the reward that they received. Literally they were given the right to come into the presence of the Lord!

Then, I switched gears and started reading through the Psalms again. In Psalm 92:16-17 it says "Who will rise up against evil doers? Who will stand up for me against the workers of iniquity? Unless the LORD has been my help, my soul would have soon settled in silence." I knew the Lord was tweaking something in my heart, so I took a spot on the Life Line (the red tape at the front of the prayer room where people pray against abortion and for life in north america). As I was there I began to pray for those who have an appointment with death to be released from that appointment (PSALM 102:20) and I felt a compulsion to pray... to stand for the laws of the LORD. To not allow compromise in the doctrines of the temple... and the Lord ambushed me!

I found myself on the life line for an hour and 45 minutes, crying out to the Lord "Jesus I plead your blood over my sin and the sins of our nation, end abortion and send revival to America." it is about abortion, for sure, but also about same sex marriages, and a whole host of compromises that our churches and government continue to make. Where are the sons of Zadok today? Who stands for the original and true word of the Lord?

Who indeed?

Psalm 91

He who dwells in the secret place of the Most High
Shall abide under the shadow of the Almighty
I will say of the LORD, "He is my refuge and my fortress:
My God in Him I will trust."

Just needed to hear that again today.

new and true

wow, Saturday seems like a week ago! it's been a couple days of meetings meetings meetings. I am on the 2-6:00 prayer team, Monday through Friday, so "my place on the wall" has been established. What that means is that I am here in the prayer room 4 hours a day, plus any evenings or earlier morning times I can fit in. I am on a team and we meet 1/2 hour before, and 1/2 after. the purpose is to bring everyone together in focus and to debrief what the Lord is saying to all of us, or what we are learning. It is a new thing they are doing here at IHOP for new staff and are encouraging "Old" staff to join in. There are 8 on my team, and already at day two, i just feel more connected to the mandate and vision of IHOP.

Anyway, I'm still continueing to learn so much here, and God is moving in areas of my life that I wasn't planning on, or expecting, but am walking through! He is a gracious God, however, and knows exactly what I need and when, so rather than fight him, I am trying to step into whatever He brings and to simply TRUST the only one truly worthy of my trust! Please continue to pray for what God is doing here in me and through me. Pray also for consistant finances. He is faithful and has met every bill and for that I am thankful, it sometimes is in the 11th hour, but it always comes! Thank you to all of you who continue to support me in that way! Be blessed in knowing you are helping to grow the Kingdom amongst the kids here in Kansas City, not to mention, helping me grow emmensely in my walk with the Lord.

Saturday

so far it has been a great conference. lou Engle spoke on Thurdsay night to a 500 person crowd crammed into the multi purpose room! It was great though. If you have never heard Lou, he is amazing. God has given him (and many others) such a vision for children to rise up and speak out against the abortion issue. He puts a whole new spin on Dr. Seuss' Horton hears a Who as well that surprised me.

Saturday morning Lenny spoke to the conference crowd, while Pam, myself and a few others took the almost 60 kids and trained them to pray for the adults at the end of the session. The training was so fun. We worshipped, we prophesied over each other, we talked about being an Army of the Lord, and how we have a place no matter how small. Then we released them on the adults. WoW. for almost 45 minutes the kids pushed themselves through the crowded rows and laid hands on their parents, leaders and other adults in the room. It was beautiful... there was one young lady (around age 10) whose heart was captured for the adults and wept over them, took the mic and prayed for the fire of God to fall on the room and on the people. Weeping broke out throughout the room. There were three 6 year old girls that would hold hands as they went to pray, and when they found someone to pray for, they all three would surround the person and go for it! I just believe that those three in particular broke through alot of spiritual strong holds. It was awesome.

Anyway... Today, we do it all again. Allen Hood and Shelly Huntley are speaking this morning (as Pam and I are with the kids again) and then Daphne and Lenny are on this afternoon and we are done. Then it's EGS (Encounter God Service) and then FCF (Forerunner Christian Fellowship)and finally a rest.

It's been busy, and I am tired, but the Lord is working and I am pleased with how it is going.

wednesday...

Is it seriously only Wednesday? Man, I feel like I have lived weeks in the last two days! The national Children's Equipping Center pastors and leaders conference is this weekend. That means counting on "13 hour days" starting Thursday and for me, going through Sunday. We are expecting 300-500 people at this conference. Lou Engle is speaking Thursday, Lenny, Mike, and Daphne Kirk are Friday, and Lenny and Daphne again on Saturday... It's a great thing.

there are so many things going on all at once it seems though. I feel a real drawing to the prayer room and I LOVE that, but as I have said before it feels like something is shifting... moving, changing. Maybe it is simply what God is doing in my heart right now, and won't manifest itself in the physical. That is okay with me. Whatever Lord!!

All I am asking for right now, is that I get to KNOW the son of God. I am so easily distracted, so easily on a wild goose chase... I just want HIS heart... regardless of what it looks like! So as I step into this busy (crazy busy) weekend, pray that the Lord will speak to me as well, as we minister to the hundreds of leaders that are coming here to be ministered to. I long to hear a clarion call... please pray!

"Dear child of God, if you feel the drawing of God in your soul, cherish it as you would cherish a great treasure. If you feel a deeper hunger, if you are entering into a closer walk with Him, do not look upon it carelessly, nor treat it lightly. If you do not feel the divine drawing and hunger for God, cry to Him that He will give it to you; and ever remember that the desire for hunger is the beginning of hunger, and that you cannot feed upon Jesus Christ until you are spiritually hungry.

In the natural, if the stomach is in poor condition, the best food is loathsome. So it is with spiritual food and feeding upon Jesus Christ; if we are not living near God and are not where we should be, we neither have an appetite for spiritual things, nor can we feed upon Christ who is the living Bread. When God pours into you a hunger for your Beloved and begins to reveal more clearly your privileges in Him, rejoice with great joy and gratitude toward God. If He did not put into our hearts the longing to know Him better and to have His very best, we would be satisfied with the least we could have and be saved....

How wonderous are the workings and drawings of God upon a human soul! How little do we behold or know that which He is doing, as day by day He works down in the depths of our beings. The most favoured place a child of God can be in, is to continually feel the drawing of God urging and constraining him to greater hunger and to greater abandonment to Him. There is nothing we should praise Him for with such gratitude, as for every touch of hunger that he so graciously gives us....

Our beloved is calling us to cling to Him more prayerfully and continuously. He is calling upon us to run faster, faster; to believe that if we will not let go of Him, He will lift us over all the hard places, and make of all the stumbling blocks, steps upward and heavenward on our homeward journey. As long as we cling to Him, His hand upholds us and keeps our feet from falling or even stumbling."

Cora Harris Macilravy

That must be the best definition of 100% pursuit I have ever seen. And it was written in 1916.

He is calling us... wow.

Paul, prophets and a privledge!

Ah early morning coffee with a lightening storm outside my door. I have a sliding glass window that opens on to a little porch. The weather has cooled off enough... especially at night, so that I can have the door open, the air off, and can enjoy the seemingly thousands of crickets that you can hear at night.

I love this time in the morning. (I think I write that every Sunday!) Today, I am talking to the kids about "open the eyes of my heart" and what exactly that means. I am using the story of Paul and how God actually took away his natural eyesight while he opened up the eyes of his heart! (of course, letting them know that he got his sight back... don't want to scare anyone!! heehee)

I love Paul's story because it shows the power of God to change even the strongest heart. Paul was zealous in his determination to destroy the Christians. He was ruthless in his methods, and perfect in his devotion. And yet, a light and THE voice of the Lord stopped him in his tracks. God is capable of stopping the most wicked, the most terrible, and bringing them into line with HIS heart. AND using them to do it! Amazing.

I was talking to the kids last night about Samuel and how God called him and how Samuel heard the voice of the Lord. We ended the time with them getting into their prayer caves and my praying over them that they would hear the voice of the Lord. It was one of those sacred moments when you know something is going on that is WAY bigger than you. I had 24 three to five year olds with 2 Fire in the Night interns, and the room was quiet except for the sound of my voice praying out for them to hear. Did they? Not noticably. No cool stories to tell... yet.

There was a dream that one of the CEC staff had a while ago that said that God was sending the prophets to Kansas City. She was so excited and dialogued with God about what that would look like and who were they, etc. After a long silence, the Lord said to her, "and they are coming from your four and five year olds." Another more famous man, told Lenny... these little ones are the gold... steward them well.

I love that I have the privledge (at least for this stage of my life)to be a part of it and can't wait to see how God does it.

I've been in a staff orientation all weekend. They have made a number of changes to the sacred trust(the document signed that helps you covenant how many hours you are in the prayer room, working, and team building). It's been really good.

Dave Sliker spoke yesterday about the platform ministry here at IHOP and how the primary goal while on stage is NOT to be noticed. The heart is that every second of every minute, of every hour is to be unto the Lord. It is intimidating (particularly on a Global Bridegroom Fast week) to realize the thousands that are watching via the net, and yet it is all to be as if no one is in the room... an audience of one. Now when it is a corporate intercession time, it is obviously about standing together, contending for whatever is on the heart at that time, but overall it is the "nameless faceless generation".

And I love that.

I know that here, there are those that seem to have some sort of celebrity...like Misty or Todd, those who have made CD's... they have "a following". yet the heart is to be on the platform not for themselves, but to draw the hearts of all in the room to the heart of the father.

so what is the point?
no point really, just cool.

o how we want you to come

O How we want you to come to this nation
to this generation!

The Lord is coming. To this nation (and Canada!) and to this generation!

This heart cry is quickly followed by a cry to being sanctified. Set us apart... to know the glory of God. To set our Spirit to be free of pride, set free and apart. Make us a resting place, a dwelling place. And to be called to his heart.

These are dangerous prayers. In order for the Lord to come, there will be judgements as well... again struck by that. The lord is coming for his bride, but will purify her first... for in Him there is no darkness at all!

His hand... the great and the terrible, is coming! This generation WILL rise up. There have been so many assaults on this generation... abortion, drugs, gangs, guns, so much that seeks to destroy the innocence and the destiny of this generation, which speaks to me of a generation that HAS a destiny... that HAS a purpose, and is a danger to the enemy. My job, and the wisest thing that I can do, is to pray for His hand of mercy to come, and that the hearts of this generation would fall hard under the love of the Lord.

I'm more and more convinced that this will come as we and they begin and continue to sanctify ourselves, to be called apart, not to isolate, but to COMMUNICATE the holiness of God! We just spent an hour here in the prayer room literally, crying out as a corporate IHOP family (about 700), proclaiming the Holiness of the Lord... His beauty, His majesty, and the splendour of who he is.

But it doesn't stop there, immediately the prayers switch to the city, the nation, and the generation. As we set ourselves apart to worship the king of kings... our hearts are drawn to the things of His heart!

My longing is to see his hand move... and I am recognising how futile my hand is without his heart stirring in me. I grapple with the "prayer vs doing" question a lot. I have come to a place where I know they are both essential, but how does it work itself out? What is the path to it?

Being in IHOP, of course I am seeing the great need for PRAYER. Intercession, worship, singing the word, devotion, it is all essential to make the DOING effective. But how do you DO both? And if I do more than I pray, am I ineffective?

I believe things shift and move in the heavens and on earth as we pray. I believe our work is more effective when it is undergirded with prayer... and yet... sometimes as we spend an hour proclaiming his greatness and holiness... I wonder why the other is even important! (of course I know it is!)

I said before that things are shifting here for me. Could it be God is calling me to the intercession for a time... and not the hands on doing? To the worship in this place, to the "intecessory missionary" not the inner city missionary... interesting.

Please keep praying... sleep is improving, and I believe God will make clear the road ahead. Believe it with me!!!

a light at the end of the tunnel

wow. what a weekend. It has been one of those weekends that you look at on Thursday, take a deep breath and dive into, hoping that by Sunday, you'll still be standing! I almost made it! Wednesday my friends from Ontario arrived, Thursday was spent at the zoo and at home as one of the little ones was sick. Thursday night was spent with lots of friends and late late night conversations. Friday was conference all day and into the night, Saturday I woke up nautious and sick. I stayed home all day... Now today, i am back in the class room with my four and five year olds talking about a "burning heart". This afternoon is a birthday party for Charis, the service tonight, and then finally the weekend is over.

And it all begins again tomorrow.

Please pray for rest for me... when stress levels are high, insomnia kicks in, when insomnia kicks in, stess levels rise... so the cycle goes. This has been a hard week, and yet here I am, with the privilege and opportunity to teach the children about the longing in our hearts to know Jesus better... and seeing it come to pass. So in my weakness, i know He will be strong!

Please pray also for clarity. There are some interesting questions and opportunities in front of me, and I really want God's word on what is the best direction to go in. He is faithful, He is good, and I know that He will direct my way and my path.

Should be zzzzzz

Can't sleep... hate that!

I wish I could find a way to switch off my brain as soon as it hit the pillow.. to knock the wind out of myself or something. Wouldn't that be great? I bet i could even sell it!

another busy weekend

I know it is only wednesday... but the weekend is looming.

First of all, an exciting thing... a good friend of mine from college days is coming to visit (with her husband and 3 young children) for a couple of days. They arrive tonight and leave early Friday morning. We plan on "hanging out" tonight and then going to the zoo on thursday. Should be very fun.

Then the weekend hits with the Spiritual warfare and intercession conference. It's a crazy time every conference... but this one seems especially busy.

The Lord is gracious though. I've had the time this week to really spend some real time in the prayer room, and the Lord has met me there. The worship is so sweet at times, militant at others, and somehow, always, exactly what I've needed.

I feel a bit like things are shifting a little. Things here are changing, as I enter my 7th month at IHOP. I'm not sure how or what it will look like, but I trust the Lord. I prayed once that I was willing to go to Timbuctoo (spelling?)if he wanted me to. Within a year I was in Tuktoyuktuk! Haahaa.

Now I am in Kansas City, and I am sooo willing to do and be all that He desires. there are moments when i think "am I really here?" and I thank the Lord... other times i think "what am I doing here" and I trust the Lord. So, as I enter another busy weekend, I know that my heart is in a good place... and I am thankful.

to the one's without mixture

there is a prophecy (?) that gets repeated a lot around here
"to the ones without mixture I will give the Spirit without measure"
I've been really thinking about that. What does it really mean to be a person without mixture? Is it one who never touches anything "unholy", whose heart is pure, whose hands are clean...

"who may ascend the hill of the Lord?
Who may stand in his holy place?
He who has clean hands and a pure heart, who does not lift up his soul to an idol or swear by what is false.
He will recieve blessing from the Lord, and vindication from God his Saviour. Such is the generation of those who seek him, who seek your face, O God of Jacob." Psalm 24

Such is the generation... interesting phrase.

Anyway,,, i digress...

TO the one with out mixture... that is my prayer today. That nothing would draw me from his heart. That nothing would take me away from the 100% pursuit. I understand well the scripture that says "the spirit is willing but the flesh is weak"

Here in Missouri there is something going on that is surprising me. The Governor has called a special meeting of the legislatures tomorrow to "hash out this divisive issue of abortion". Tomorrow abortion could be dealt a massive blow by the Missouri government. That is a huge deal. We have been praying for a long time (especially the last 6 months) regarding that issue here in "the House" (aka IHOP) and are rejoicing in this development... crying out for a Spirit without measure...

Revival... spirit without measure... will it come when there are so many who live lives with much mixture? Personally, will it come when i live a life of mixture?

I'm not saying that it is hopeless, or that it can never happen... it is time to cry out for it... to lay down all else and go after first of all, on a personal level... secondly cry out for His Spirit to stir all of us to repentance and revival.

they are home!

Thanks for your prayers... Dee and dey are home!

Just a quick note

for those of you who know Deanna and Deyan... they are "stuck" in Bulgaria. Please pray and check their blog for further details, but Dee asked me to help get the word out. (deyanddee.blogspot.com) I am sure they would appreciate all our prayers. The long and the short of it is Dey HAD some problems with his passport (those are solved now) but now they have a problem rebooking their flights. They say the earliest is the 13th so they are staying in Sofia with Dey's dad. Please pray for peace and little stress in this process... Dee is after all, 7 months pregnant and has a very active (wonderful!!!) 20 month old...

To know him better

We are so priviledged to know the Lord. This morning, as I got up, i knew that I had much to do to be ready for the day... I enjoy my early morning Sunday routine... I get up, make some timmy's coffee, and begin to look over my lesson for the morning, and blog. It's part of a routine that works well for me. Very early in the morning!

This morning I am reviewing the story of the rich young ruler, and the thought that keeps running through my head is that this young man was a good man. He did all the right things in the eyes of the world, he was an upstanding member of his society. He said himself that he had kept every law... but he also knew he was missing something. "Teacher", he said "what must I do to be saved" Why did he ask THAT question? What was the hole in his heart? He had done it all right, and yet when he met Jesus, he knew there was more.

Jesus asked him for his life.

"Sell all you have, give it to the poor and come follow me"

Jesus saw through him. He saw that the wealth and prestige, the standing and place the young man had in society, that was well earned by the way, was distracting him from the "one thing". The wealth, pretige, standing were keeping his eyes on the temperal and was distracting him from the eternal.

I have heard the question many times "Would he have done it if he knew it was the very son of God asking him to?" As I teach the kids this morning, I am focusing ont the part of Ephesians 1 that says, "so that you may know him better" If the rich man, who followed the law, also had had wisdom and revelation of WHO Jesus was, would he have done all that Jesus asked of Him... would I?

As Misty sings:
Baptize my heart, with your fire, desire...
Jesus fill us with the knowledge of God, with the knowledge of you, with the knowledge of the HOLY HOLY! I don't want to be offended, i don't want to be offended, I don't want to be offended when it's all coming down...

Where does my help come from

Lord Have MERCY

I am stunned at the series of events that continue to ravage New Orleans. The Hurricane was severe, followed by the flooding, then the looting, then the senseless violence that continues to thwart the rescue efforts, and now the explosions along the water front... more fire, more death, more contamination of the water...

Lord, how will they ever survive all this? I heard on the news this morning that the suggestion has been made to walk away from the city and NOT rebuild. And that is just one city of many that have been ravaged.

In light of all that is going on around the world; it is easy to get depressed, angry, and/or begin to dispair. I'm in the prayer room as I write this, because I don't know where else to go. The images in the paper and on the news are endless. At least in this room I feel like I can respond in prayer and worship. The song "I lift my eyes up" is being sung right now. That is my answer this morning.

I lift my eyes up, unto the mountains
Where does my help come from?
My help coes from you
Maker of heaven
Creator of the earth

Oh how I need you Lord
You are my only hope
you are my only prayer
so i will wait for you
to come and rescue me
you come and give me life.

In this psalm, the mountains were in reference to the high places where the temples of the gods of the land were located... the high places, the mountains were where the people looked for their help... to gods of wood and stone...

We know (as did the author) that our help comes only from the Lord. This is a psalm that makes a bold statement AGAINST the gods of the day. It was a call back to the creator, the maker of the heavens and the earth.

I spoke to our new entry kids yesterday (6-12 year olds) and we talked about who we pray to... why God is so powerful. We used Revelation 4 as a base of His wonder. I wanted the kids (and myself) to remember that God is not simply our buddy who lives "up there" but that the very creator calls us His friend. I wanted to remember his power... the lightning and thunder around His throne... the beauty of the rainbow and gems, the reverence of the creatures and the elders... that HE is the one we pray to. It is THAT throne room that he rules from.

As the world continues to shake, I want that to be my foundation... the soveriegnty of our Father, the power of our God, the beauty of our Saviour, and the reverence (honour, fear) that is due him!

"Beautifully terrible and terribly beautiful" "i've never seen glory like this, I've never seen beauty like this!" (choruses that have been song while typing this post)

My prayers go out to all that are affected by these disasters that are occuring all over the world... It's been a rough week for man!

Be blessed in your setting today... wherever that may be... and know that our hope comes from Him alone.

honoured, humbled, and somewhat horrified

I am honoured that there are so many of you who read my blog. It's just me... sitting here in Kansas City, doing what God has called me to, and there are so many who CHOOSE to come to this site and check out what God is up to in me! I am honoured!

I am also humbled. My story has many twists and turns. God has brought me through a lot and he is working on me everyday to bring me closer to His heart. Someone recently shared with me how God was using this blog to encourage them, to strengthen them and to connect them to a world they don't get to touch... (IHOP world). I was humbled that God would use my rantings and musings to bless that way...

And then I realized that I am somewhat horrified that there are so many who read these rantings and musings. My counter is five hits away from reading 012345... in a little over a year. That is a lot of hits... now compared to some (YVONNE!!!) that isn't much... but for someone like me, who often feels on my own... it is significant!

As I have told Yvonne, Blogs rock! I am soooooo much more connected to Winnipeg, my family, my friends around the world because of this little box that I type in... and check hour on the hour by the way! (so I am a little desperate for connection... what is your point!?!?!?!)

The Lord has brought me here, no question. He is doing things in me and through me that I never thought possible... he is drawing me into His heart and is teaching me how to love Him... and in the process I get to share the journey... process the stuff here. Kind of cool don't ya think?

When I started this blog, I ended each post with a quote from Princess Bride. I have since given away or sold all of my movies, but one. So princess bride is a little rusty... but I believe there is a quote that speaks of love in the natural, but it's an amazing quote in the Spiritual (refering to Jesus of course!)

Wesley: can you walk?
Buttercup: you are alive, if you want me to, I can fly!

It's too early to be this sentimental!

HEHEHEHEHEHEHE... have a great day!